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Our Sister Site:
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We generally don't publish the stories on our web site (to get them, subscribe for free by email using the form below). But sometimes we know a story begs to be seen by a wider audience than just the current subscribers.

While we allow subscribers to forward stories by email, very often the combination of the stories and the letters we publish later are very, very powerful -- that is, in fact, one of the reasons the HeroicStories book is so popular. "Fitting Words" is one of those stories; its effect is amplified by seeing the reader reaction.

So that you can get this story to your friends with the comments intact, we created this page so you merely have to forward the URL. If you have a friend who would benefit from seeing this story, please pass along the address, with your encouragement to them to sign up for a free subscription.

Fitting Words
by Christie
Texas, USA

Six months ago I decided it was time for me to get fit and I joined a health club. Having never belonged to one before, getting started was intimidating. Even with the courteous and professional staff, the motivation had to be my own.

Originally, I had joined the club along with my sister and sister-in-law. My plan was that we would encourage each other to keep at it. For a while, the plan worked. Soon though, the newness wore off and my sister- in-law dropped out. Then my sister couldn't make every session and I started having to go alone.

It may not seem that big a deal to some, but for me this was an important commitment. Going alone was difficult. One particular night I had a lot to do and was making every excuse in the book not to go. I felt it would be a small victory if I even just showed up. After a very difficult workout, instead of feeling invigorated and pumped up, I felt beaten down and tired. I wanted to quit.

As I was about to walk out the door, one of the trainers was also leaving. "John" ran up to me and said, "Hey, great workout tonight! I've seen you here regularly and you are doing a great job. Keep it up!" With that, he insisted on giving me a high five and said he'd see me the next night.

That little bit of encouragement motivated me to come the next time. John was there -- and once again, encouraged me to stick with it.

Since then, whether I work out alone or with my sister, John always makes it a point to say something encouraging. His words may seem like a very little thing to him, but to me they are a huge motivation. And it seems like John's words are always there when I need them the most.

In case anyone thinks this guy might just be flirting with me, I am 5'3" tall, and when I started working out I weighed almost 300 pounds. Even after losing 50 pounds in the past 6 months, I am still a big woman. This guy truly is just being nice to someone who obviously needs a kind word from time to time.

John is partially responsible for the fact that I didn't give up on my fitness goals. He helped get me over the rough spots before exercise was a daily habit. I have a long way to go, but I have made it to the point where I have made permanent lifestyle changes. Considering the risks that go along with obesity, it is very possible that his kind words are helping me to save my own life.

Story Editor: Jason Wallwork

The Readers Comment

Debby in Colorado:

Talk about something showing up at the right time and place! I've been resting on my laurels after losing 65 pounds in a big hurry a year ago. True to say, I've been watching myself and haven't put it back, but I have gotten out of the habit of exercising. On Monday of this week, I woke up and decided that I was giving up being lazy for Lent. I went for my walk that evening but have not made it out again since. Too dark, too cold, too busy, etc. etc. I have million things to do this evening including making a roast dinner for my valentine. But once that lump of meat goes in the oven, I am going out in the snow and taking that walk! Please pass on to Christie my congratulations on her successes and my encouragement for her continued efforts. And thank her for writing that story. I'll bet you a dollar you get many responses to this subject, one which hits so close to home for so many people!

You guessed "many responses" right, Debby! We received several types of letters, making different points, all equally fascinating.

Lisa in Texas:

Way to go Christie! Keep up the good work. It is hard to take those first steps to "getting fit", especially when you are embarrassed by your size and the workouts are so taxing on your body. I know: I've been there. It is great that the trainer has helped motivate you -- but you are the real inspiration!

Gina in Louisiana:

I felt that I had to write to Christi, the gal in "Fitting Words". You stated that because of your weight, you were sure that John was not flirting with you. Are you sure about that? You might want to look closer. Stop letting your weight color your judgment about men. I am not the skinniest chickadee in the henhouse, but I have the confidence that makes me desirable to men. Try some confidence on and you may find love along with the fitting words!

Ren in Virginia:

I hate the way Ms Buie describes herself. She makes it sound like women our size (I'm 5'4" and 300 pounds myself) are so undesirable, that the idea of someone flirting with us is ridiculous. There are a lot of guys who like big women, and believe it or not, there are some guys who just don't care what size you are. Guys flirt with me all the time, and I flirt back. I get more dates than some of my much thinner girlfriends. Why? I think it's because I'm an intelligent, vibrant, fun person... and also because a lot of guys do like Big Beautiful Women (BBW)! Christie, don't dismiss John as just being a nice guy. He might be flirting with you -- and could be very frustrated that you don't take him seriously! Don't assume that all guys are so shallow that they wouldn't look twice at a BBW!

Anonymous:

I just wanted to write Christie and tell her not to be so down on herself. John may not have been hitting on you, but he might have been too. My partner (for over 8 years) has always been a fuller-figured woman. I have loved her ever since I first met her. She too is on a health kick, and going through the ups and downs of watching what she eats, exercise, and needing motivation. She complains that she is tired and has the diet blues, and can get pretty angry about it all. But through it all, she is doing this not because she thinks I will love her more (and not so she will be noticed more by males) but for her, and for her own self esteem. She couldn't do anything to make me love her more. But she does all of this exercise and "good eating" anyway. She feels better about herself, and she is working to a goal. I am 6'2", about 200 pounds. She is 5'6" and weighed about the same. I'm no Adonis, but people (sometimes even friends) ask me what I am doing with her. I don't love her because of her looks, I love her because of her essence -- that thing that no one can define. To me, she could double in size and I wouldn't love her any less. Christie has done an amazing job already, 50 pounds is a lot to lose. Next time, don't be quite so quick to judge someone who is nice -- maybe they are attracted to you. As The Body Shop says: "There are 6 billion women who don't look like supermodels, and only eight who do." Not every man wants a supermodel. PS: Please don't publish my name - my partner would kill me if she saw I had written about her!!!

Now there's a wise man!

Tom in California:

I'm glad Christie got the encouragement she needed, but it sounds like she's got a long way to go in the self-esteem department. There are a lot of men -- myself included -- who flirt with women who are 5'3" and 300 pounds. If she thinks her size alone makes her "unflirtable", she should meet the dozens of men I know who, after they hear I like big women, confide that they do too, but are tired of chasing women who can't believe they're being flirted with! You can sign me as "Tom". Hell, you can sign me as "[Full Name and City]" if you like, and give my email address. Maybe I'll get some dates from it.

Uh, Tom, we have forwarded a lot of reader comments to authors. (Indeed we sent the thank you note from Debby in Colorado to Christie.) But I'm not sure HeroicStories is ready to become a dating service for you! :-) Perhaps you fellas could try actually telling these women that you're attracted to them in plain (polite) English, and ask them out? That might work wonders.

Jorg in Virginia:

The author of Fitting Words was quick to advise her readers that "John" could not have been flirting with her because she is obese. One of the tragic side effects of obesity is the loss of self-esteem that accompanies the extra weight. Once those pounds are gone, the scars often remain. I hope she realizes that not everyone is prejudiced against the overweight, and that "John" may have found her attractive, personable, and intelligent enough to have written an article like this one. So lets hope she gets to work on that self image, as well!

Good points, Jorg, perhaps indeed there are good reasons why overweight people would have self-esteem "issues". Perhaps acquiring or re-building self-esteem isn't any too simple? Let's hear from the other side of the coin:

Jolene in Texas:

I am also a large woman, 5' 2" and 340 pounds. I think the woman in this story has a lot of courage to try to lose weight and improve her health. Every one that is large and has tried to lose weight knows how hard and discouraging it can get. Most of my life I have been on an up-and-down weight roller coaster. My compliments to her on a job well done.

Lauri in Oklahoma:

I was a "BBW" for years -- I think I was born chubby, and stayed that way throughout childhood and teenage years. In school, I heard it all "Fatty, fatty, two by four, can't get through the bathroom door." Fat jokes from morning 'til night. After a while, I started making the fat jokes myself, to preclude others making them. If a man ever talked to me, I always felt it was a set-up to be smashed into the dirt. Self-esteem? When you've been convinced by everyone around you that you are not even worthy of being treated like a human, you never even think about self-esteem "issues". All you think about is survival. As a postscript: in 1993, I finally convinced a doctor (and an HMO!) that my health was suffering because of my weight. At 300 pounds, and age 38, I was nearly crippled with arthritis and plagued with numerous digestive problems. I was able to get a gastric bypass operation and lost 160 pounds. But I still have a hard time believing sometimes that I'm worthy of love or friendship. Those issues don't go away easily, even when the fat melts off.

Sylvia in England:

Don't assume a man won't flirt with you because you are 5'3" and 300 pounds! That statement assumes that you are not worthy of romantic attention. That assumption leads to the idea that you are not worthy at all. And that idea leads to you not treating yourself as well as you are able and not taking care of yourself as well as you truly deserve. Please always remember that you truly deserve all manner of good things, including the health benefits you derive from your exercise and weight management. Your story's hero, John, saw that you are indeed worthy of support and has kindly shared his motivation with you. I hope you too see your own worth, especially as you continue with your healthy exercise program and as you approach your goals. I lead a discussion board at IVillage, the women's web site, called Anti-Diet. I find that when many of us deal with the demons of extra weight, we fight ourselves at least as much as we fight the extra pounds. We must make friends with ourselves and accept ourselves first before we can successfully manage our weight. Well done so far -- and all the best for your continued success.

Connie in Maine:

Please find the woman who wrote this and tell her that just because she's five three and "a big woman" doesn't mean she isn't beautiful. And let her know that John isn't the only one rooting her on, I am too. I think its wonderful that she's finding the motivation to go in and work out alone. One big "Way to go!" from me.

Mary in Oregon:

"[John's] little bit of encouragement motivated me to come the next time. John was there -- and once again, encouraged me to stick with it." This part of the story reminds me of a boss I once had. He would write a short, personal "atta boy" on each pay stub. It was really something to look forward to -- almost as good as getting paid. :-)

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